What dreams may come

First, i wanted to say, i should post more sad blogs. They get WAY more comments than happy ones. ha ha. Just kidding. But really, thank you for all the support. I pretty much cried at each reply.

Today, i wanted to write about dreams. Dreams are weird. I have them all the time. I know some people don't dream alot, but not me. I've heard that they're a reflection of your inner most feelings; your hopes and fears. And then some of them, are just RANDOM and you have NO IDEA what they mean or WHERE they came from. I believe those are the most frequent that i or anyone has. But, what about those reoccurring dreams? Do they mean something more?

Now, i had this dream, ALL THE TIME and i thought i knew what it meant. but, well, let me share it. I always have this dream where i'm in New York City (Sometimes it's Disneyland. Both places i love), and i'm with people, like family and friends and we're going around seeing sights. But time is running out and we're not seeing all the things i want. And no one really wants to see anything or do anything. And i get all worked up, like i do... So, i opt to ditch everyone and go off by myself to see things. Sometimes, i'm in a rush to get it all done before we have to leave and sometimes i stay longer than everyone else, and sometimes i come back alone to finish everything.

For a long time, i thought this dream was in response to when Josh and i went to New York together, cause that kinda happened. I wanted to show him EVERYTHING but he was melting in the sun and didnt want to do much. (i don't blame him. it WAS hot, and i know how boys melt in the sun...) On the last day, i got up early and went out to do a few things, while he slept. I joked with him for a long time that we needed to go back so i could stop having that dream.

For my birthday this year, he bought me a ticket to go by myself (so i could do EVERYTHING i wanted and he wouldnt "hold me back".) I stayed with my friends Natalie and Miles, but spent alot of the time by myself. It was a good time, and i got to do whatever i wanted.

But i continued to have the dreams..

Months after, i still was having the dreams.

Finally, at the end of the summer (august?), they stopped.

???

SO, i went to dinner with my dad a while ago and he asked me what my dreams were like lately. (Ha ha. WHAT... you dont talk with YOUR dad about your dreams? Weird... ha ha. Okay. Okay. I've been holding out. My dad's a fortune teller...) Anyway, i told him about that one and how i have it all the time. (at the time i was telling him this, i hadnt realized that the dreams had stopped already. but when we were talking about it, i realized they had)

With no time to ponder about it at all, he interpreted my dream, as soon as i finished telling it. He said, You feel like people are holding you back from what you want to do, and so you are seperating yourself, so that you can do what you want. (When i go back and read what i had just written, it's like, uh... he's pretty much saying what you just said, without the location. HA! But, seriously, at the time, i was like, WHOA.... it's like, he put the puzzle pieces together or something. I didnt get it. But when he said it, it made complete sense.)

I was confused, cause, i dont even know what i "want to do". But, in a way, he was right. I have felt trapped, like i couldnt do what i wanted. I guess once you figure things out, that's when you stop having the dreams. But now the question is,

What have i been held back from that i've wanted to do? We'll see if i can figure it out.