The Last Lecture

I have not read this book, although i do think i would like to someday (maybe this summer?). But like the book, i found myself thinking about what i would say to my ward members, if i was given one last time to speak to them. This thought promoted some real soul searching.

1. What is most important?

What have i learned that has made all the difference?

How can my experiences help them for the better?

I thought about this for a couple of weeks.

When my family first moved to Orem, i continued to go to the Oak Canyon Singles Ward in Lindon for quite some time. It was comfortable. I had a calling. It was good. But i felt the twinge of change finally start to pull at me, indicating that i was ready and it was time to move on.

Because i live so close to UVU, i wasn't for sure which ward i actually belonged to. I searched on lds.org, by putting my address in. But alas, it didn't narrow anything down. Any of you who have searched for wards this way know that QUITE a few wards will pop up when you put in an address, giving the searcher a large selection to choose from. So i thought i'd do some ward shopping. See if i liked any around here before i committed.

The first ward i went to was the Sunset Heights 1st ward. It was in an old building, just like the one i grew up with in Lindon sporting brown and orange carpet. The familiar "church" smell brought back memories. It was comfortable. One girl welcomed me; Lindy Haeger (to whom i never really talked to again, while we were both in the ward... ha). I felt a little awkward, as any newcomer to a ward does, though their testimonies were very strong.

THEN, ha, this kid gets up to bear his testimony. Now, i'm sure his intentions were pure, but, he started talking about how the church was true BECAUSE the Prophet didn't support homosexual actions, and how if HE were the prophet, he would, right there (and he raises his hand to the square) excommunicate all the gay people in the church. WOW. Yeah... this ward is full of crazies. Next.

I went to a couple other wards, but they didn't feel right and weren't very friendly. (Usually some memeber of the Relief Society Presidency would welcome me and asked where i lived. Friendly, right? But immediately to my reply, their tone would darken and it would get awkward as they would let me know i wasn't "in their ward boundries", and therefore couldn't attend their ward. I just laughed to myself. Clearly, these girls haven't lived outside Utah. When do you EVER tell someone they can't go to your church? Ha.) Whatever. Next.

For some reason, I decided i'd just go back to the Sunset Heights Ward, crazy homosexual-hating guy or not. Now, this was a SUPER hard time in life for me. Being new in a ward is sometimes hard for anyone, especially if you don't have a gaggle of friends to comfort you as you transition the newness. But this was especially hard. I was alone and certainly felt it, as we often do when change comes. But i tried to move forward with faith that i was supposed to be there. I knew that God had a hand in my life and was guiding me.

i wish words could accurately describe the series of events that followed during past year and a half. There was always an angel to bear me up as i made it through my personal wilderness. And while the circumstances of my trials never changed, (in fact, they progressivley got harder) the burdens were lifted as though i could not feel them on my back, just like the people of Alma in Mosiah 24.

v. 14 - And i will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

v. 15 - And it came to passt hat the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren weree made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

As i continued forward, trying my best to focus on service, i could see the Lord's hand in my life. The more i served my fellow ward members and those around me, the more my love grew for people and the more i could feel God's love for me. Even better though, was that those around me grew to love me more (which i didn't realize was happening until this last week)

Last sunday, i gave my "farewell talk"; my last lecture. I chose to speak on the Love of God. It is the greatest thing i know of and it is what i always bear testimony of when i have the opportunity.

It changes people.

It's changed me.

Because it's so close to my heart and i feel it's the most important thing i know, i was REALLY nervous to speak. Tasha (my roommate) thought i was silly when she found me laying on the couch as if i were about to die (which, like, i was! ha).

If i were being graded for a public speech class, i would've gotten a C- for the talk (I lost my place once or twice and said "um..." quite a few times. ha. Speaking in public was never my forte). But LUCKILY the Spirit was there to make up for where i lacked.

(this is where it felt wonderful) Afterward, person after person (even people i'd never met before) complimented me and thanked me. They all said how much they'll miss me and don't want me to move. Hugging me and saying how much I've taught them and been a good example to them. It was special. I have never felt so loved by a ward, in my entire life. It made me not want to leave.

Just like Joseph when he was in Egypt, I know it's God's love and his plan that brought me there. It took me a while to understand that but i can see it now that i'm on the other side.

I've thought about this alot recently and, well, I failed at the opportunity to serve a mission, but this past year has given me many experiences similar to those i've heard from returned missionaries. Everything from being so exhausted from working so hard but still being surprisingly happy, to being totally crushed when someone special to you and who you've worked very hard with, rejects the truths of the Gospel.

It has been an adventure.


But now i'm off for a new adventure. Trusting in Heavenly Father every step of the way, that everything will work together for my good.