I love these Willie Wonka memes. Well, most of them anyway.
So lemme tell you a story..
about this summer...
how i met a guy..
and we dated.
He was awesome.
A good guy. Chill. Really fun. Nice to everyone. Kind of... amateur at the dating thing, but whatever... I was willing to be patient and train him. Anytime he "made a move" it was kinda funny cause I could tell it was coming. No spontaneity or smoothness to this business. He'd stop and think about it for a while and get serious. I'd, of course, laugh because 1) I felt a little awkward and 2) I felt bad for him... But I was gonna let HIM do it. Anyway, it was an adventure. There was a group of us that did stuff all summer and it was genuinely a good time.
Now, let's say, i really liked this kid.
THEN, his TERRIBLE dating practices came into play. He didn't want to say we were "dating" or be "exclusive" because "WHAT IF he decided, later, that he didn't want to date me? he didn't want to hurt me..."
What the...
If this was ANY other boy, i'd assume he had commitment issues. But because I knew he was HORRIBLE at this dating game, I had to explain to him that that was unfortunately how dating went... Both parties had to take some sort of risk of their heart being broken later (but that's also the thrilling part of dating because the risk can turn out to be AWESOME!!). And, there's really no other way to get married. There's one road into that city. You have to take it.
But alas, all summer we were "sort of" dating.
Whatever.
Anyway, the time eventually came where i was like, "what the heck?" and he said, "well, since i'm not sure what to do, and since i'm moving i think maybe we should stop hanging out." (ahem, he was moving to the other side of PROVO.... not the other side of the COUNTRY...**blink blink**)
*eyes roll* alright kid. Thanks for a good time. Have a nice life. Oh, and let's stay friends. **super**
So, we end things civilly and chill and still maintained a friendship. Which, i really appreciated. I'll admit, I was pretty butt hurt a week or two later, but i got this. I've been through worse. I'll get over it.
Scene: MY ward activity. He comes, because it's at his old roommate's house. He acts a little weird toward me (which resulted in the butt-hurted-ness of me..) yadda yadda. whatever.
(man, this story is getting longer. But i feel like i have to tell ALL ASPECTS of the story for you to TRULY understand the flames of my frustration)
Backtrack: He moved across the street from the last place i lived. I'm still friends with people there and venture there occasionally.
Neat.
A close girl friend of mine randomly decides to move to the last place i lived. It's actually more bizarre that she move there than i'm telling, but it's a whole 'nother LONG story. Just know that i advised her not to move there (for her own benefit) but she did anyway. This place just HAPPENS to be right across the street from where he lives....
She came over one day to hang out with me. We were supposed to go for a walk. She asked if i would come with her to change her laundry.
Sure, why not?
We go. Stop by her place. Weird... her apartment is DIRECTLY across the street from his apartment... that's odd... (oh, and i forgot to mention at this point he would't add me on facebook nor answer my texts. which... we were cool and he was answering them. why all a sudden... and being weird at our ward party? it was all adding up to WHAT THE HECK MAN!?)
We leave. Come back. As we're about to leave to get her something to eat, she decides she wants to go to the hot tub.
....oh no... So, this kid LOVES swimming. he's ALWAYS finding some way to go. we went so much over the summer. And i was willing to BET MY LIFE that he was there, at the hot tub. Sigh... I REALLY don't want to go over there.. because if he's already being weird... now it will look like i'm STALKING him.. gah.
but what are the odds, right?
we go.
DING DING DING!! he's there !!
and instead of being like "oh hey! why are you here?" he was like, **angry eyes** WHY are you here?
**die a little inside**" uh.. well, my friend (who he knows) lives here and she wanted to go to the hot tub....."
neat.
cool. Oh, i'm SO HAPPY that people in the hot tub decide to talk about dating and how girls "trick" you into having a DTR by bringing it up MID-make out. **shoot me now**
oh YES! we're FINALLY leaving... But right before we leave, my friend starts flirting and tells them they need to come to her spin class. All i can think is, WHAT THE HECK!! you know i like spin! but you invite THEM cause they're good looking guys!? BOO!!!
we leave.
i feel the hate from this kid again. i decide i want to text him and let him know that it was PURE COINCIDENCE that we were there at the same time and to be my friend again.., but my phone ate the text and my friend said, "it must be a sign, you shouldn't send it."
who am i to question a sign?
Later, alone, i decide to question the texting god's decision and i rewrite and send what i was thinking earlier. You can imagine my surprise (and FLAMES on the side of my face) when he said,
"look at all of this from MY point of view. You MYSTERIOUSLY get back on facebook and look at all my photos (uh, NEWS FLASH, whatever you have that's public is all the saw. which was A video. CRAZY.) and then your friend RANDOMLY moves across the street from me (oh yes. because i had COMPLETE control over that! I couldn't have moved there myself when i was looking for somewhere to live, but i would send my FRIEND to move there and i'd work with the office to make sure she got that exact building AND apartment, so it's looking DIRECTLY into your front room. You give me too much credit.) and then you RANDOMLY show up at the hot tub i'm at ALONE. (oh yes. I consulted my GPS that's hooked up to your BODY heat, and my CRYSTAL BALL, and KNEW you'd be here and came over all SWEATY and attractive --i had just finished a two mile run when my friend came over to 'go for a walk-- you're INCREDIBLE.)
Man. Your detective skills are AMAZING. you should try out for CSI.
So, i cleared up all those points and corrected his INGENIOUS mode of thinking...and then he says,
"AND then your friend invites me to her spin class and says, 'COME ON, JAIME will be there!'. All of this really got me spooked. I mean, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt because I know you pretty well and this didn't seem like you, but it was all just super weird."
Yep. TURNS OUT, i'm NOT a creeper. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. GRRRRRRRRRR.
So then he says, "awesome. we're cool now."
Right..
about that...
Except now i need to PRAY TO THE GODS ABOVE that we don't run into each other anywhere because you might think i concocted some SCHEME to get near you. and NOW i can't text you when i find funny things at work or online. Thanks for connecting those dots and making this situation ideal.
Well, have a nice life.
Now, let's say, i really liked this kid.
THEN, his TERRIBLE dating practices came into play. He didn't want to say we were "dating" or be "exclusive" because "WHAT IF he decided, later, that he didn't want to date me? he didn't want to hurt me..."
What the...
If this was ANY other boy, i'd assume he had commitment issues. But because I knew he was HORRIBLE at this dating game, I had to explain to him that that was unfortunately how dating went... Both parties had to take some sort of risk of their heart being broken later (but that's also the thrilling part of dating because the risk can turn out to be AWESOME!!). And, there's really no other way to get married. There's one road into that city. You have to take it.
But alas, all summer we were "sort of" dating.
Whatever.
Anyway, the time eventually came where i was like, "what the heck?" and he said, "well, since i'm not sure what to do, and since i'm moving i think maybe we should stop hanging out." (ahem, he was moving to the other side of PROVO.... not the other side of the COUNTRY...**blink blink**)
*eyes roll* alright kid. Thanks for a good time. Have a nice life. Oh, and let's stay friends. **super**
So, we end things civilly and chill and still maintained a friendship. Which, i really appreciated. I'll admit, I was pretty butt hurt a week or two later, but i got this. I've been through worse. I'll get over it.
Scene: MY ward activity. He comes, because it's at his old roommate's house. He acts a little weird toward me (which resulted in the butt-hurted-ness of me..) yadda yadda. whatever.
(man, this story is getting longer. But i feel like i have to tell ALL ASPECTS of the story for you to TRULY understand the flames of my frustration)
Backtrack: He moved across the street from the last place i lived. I'm still friends with people there and venture there occasionally.
Neat.
A close girl friend of mine randomly decides to move to the last place i lived. It's actually more bizarre that she move there than i'm telling, but it's a whole 'nother LONG story. Just know that i advised her not to move there (for her own benefit) but she did anyway. This place just HAPPENS to be right across the street from where he lives....
She came over one day to hang out with me. We were supposed to go for a walk. She asked if i would come with her to change her laundry.
Sure, why not?
We go. Stop by her place. Weird... her apartment is DIRECTLY across the street from his apartment... that's odd... (oh, and i forgot to mention at this point he would't add me on facebook nor answer my texts. which... we were cool and he was answering them. why all a sudden... and being weird at our ward party? it was all adding up to WHAT THE HECK MAN!?)
We leave. Come back. As we're about to leave to get her something to eat, she decides she wants to go to the hot tub.
....oh no... So, this kid LOVES swimming. he's ALWAYS finding some way to go. we went so much over the summer. And i was willing to BET MY LIFE that he was there, at the hot tub. Sigh... I REALLY don't want to go over there.. because if he's already being weird... now it will look like i'm STALKING him.. gah.
but what are the odds, right?
we go.
DING DING DING!! he's there !!
and instead of being like "oh hey! why are you here?" he was like, **angry eyes** WHY are you here?
**die a little inside**" uh.. well, my friend (who he knows) lives here and she wanted to go to the hot tub....."
neat.
cool. Oh, i'm SO HAPPY that people in the hot tub decide to talk about dating and how girls "trick" you into having a DTR by bringing it up MID-make out. **shoot me now**
oh YES! we're FINALLY leaving... But right before we leave, my friend starts flirting and tells them they need to come to her spin class. All i can think is, WHAT THE HECK!! you know i like spin! but you invite THEM cause they're good looking guys!? BOO!!!
we leave.
i feel the hate from this kid again. i decide i want to text him and let him know that it was PURE COINCIDENCE that we were there at the same time and to be my friend again.., but my phone ate the text and my friend said, "it must be a sign, you shouldn't send it."
who am i to question a sign?
Later, alone, i decide to question the texting god's decision and i rewrite and send what i was thinking earlier. You can imagine my surprise (and FLAMES on the side of my face) when he said,
"look at all of this from MY point of view. You MYSTERIOUSLY get back on facebook and look at all my photos (uh, NEWS FLASH, whatever you have that's public is all the saw. which was A video. CRAZY.) and then your friend RANDOMLY moves across the street from me (oh yes. because i had COMPLETE control over that! I couldn't have moved there myself when i was looking for somewhere to live, but i would send my FRIEND to move there and i'd work with the office to make sure she got that exact building AND apartment, so it's looking DIRECTLY into your front room. You give me too much credit.) and then you RANDOMLY show up at the hot tub i'm at ALONE. (oh yes. I consulted my GPS that's hooked up to your BODY heat, and my CRYSTAL BALL, and KNEW you'd be here and came over all SWEATY and attractive --i had just finished a two mile run when my friend came over to 'go for a walk-- you're INCREDIBLE.)
Man. Your detective skills are AMAZING. you should try out for CSI.
So, i cleared up all those points and corrected his INGENIOUS mode of thinking...and then he says,
"AND then your friend invites me to her spin class and says, 'COME ON, JAIME will be there!'. All of this really got me spooked. I mean, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt because I know you pretty well and this didn't seem like you, but it was all just super weird."
Yep. TURNS OUT, i'm NOT a creeper. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt. GRRRRRRRRRR.
So then he says, "awesome. we're cool now."
Right..
about that...
Except now i need to PRAY TO THE GODS ABOVE that we don't run into each other anywhere because you might think i concocted some SCHEME to get near you. and NOW i can't text you when i find funny things at work or online. Thanks for connecting those dots and making this situation ideal.
Well, have a nice life.
5 comments:
argh, frustrating.....
however, i love the tone in which you wrote it.
it's very relatable.
if you need me to punch some boy in the face for you, i'll totally do it.
I am so sorry! I hate dating. Oh Provo, you should move...to Kentucky!!! We have Wal-Mart here too you know. We could room together. Do they transfer to different states? I am sure they do. Love you!!!
Wow, that is SUPER annoying. You poor thing. You are so nice, I would've slugged the kid right in the face the next time we saw each other. What is it with single men in Provo that makes them think they are SO desirable that people are DYING to date them. It's truly sickening. I think it's a disease. You are awesome Jaime! I also love the tone you wrote it in, haha, so great!
That guy thinks pretty highly of himself if he thinks someone would go through all that work just to bump into him. He sounds like a tool.
You need to get the H E L L out of P- Town quick and move Eastward where the Men are more mature and where you are closer to me so we can hang more! Did I mention that I only live 2 hours from NYC now instead of 4 hours like before. HA!
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